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Lyric Re-Writes Have you RE-Written a song that has already been critiqued in one of the "Lyric Forums?" Please try to wait at least ONE WEEK before posting it in the Re-Write forum. This will help ensure that you get Fresh Feedback from the members; and, to make sure you give yourself a chance to set aside your lyric for a few days after a re-write and come back to it with a fresh perspective before you post it again. Be sure to post the first song version along with your Re-write for comparison!

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Old 04-13-2006, 12:54 PM   #1
Skelly
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: New York
Posts: 262
Like A Moth To The Flame 5th rewrite

This poor song started out as an overly long duet, and has been schimmied five times, and is now completely different, but it gets better all the time. Hopefully, this one will get the meaning across, without being so elusive as other versions.

Like A Moth To The Flame

I watched a moth dancing in the firelight
Flitting in and out and from side to side.
Hovering for seconds in the open air
Only to race away, to God Know’s Where

It occurred to me, that moth lives just like you
You never could bare to stand still.

Like a Moth To The Flame
You don’t know how to stay in one place
There’s something that you need
But it’s always out of reach.
You rush headlong in the wind
Chasing things the rest of us can’t see.
You’re never satisfied
Until you see the other side.

I’ve watched you flit about for years
Dropping one thing for another without fear
I’ve admired you from afar
You don’t let anything hold you down.

It occurred to me, as you chased the flame
You’ll never find the elusive thing you crave
And it saddened me to know that I
Will never be enough to slow your flight.

Like a Moth To The Flame
You don’t know how to stay in one place
There’s something that you need
But it’s always out of reach.
You rush headlong in the wind
Chasing things the rest of us can’t see.
You’re never satisfied
Until you see the other side.

One day you’ll burn your gentle wings
While you’re searching for destiny
You’ll chase the sunset till its gone
Look back to find you’re all alone.

It saddens me to know that I
Will never be enough to stop your flight.
Like a Moth To The Flame
You’re leaving me again….
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