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Lyric Re-Writes Have you RE-Written a song that has already been critiqued in one of the "Lyric Forums?" Please try to wait at least ONE WEEK before posting it in the Re-Write forum. This will help ensure that you get Fresh Feedback from the members; and, to make sure you give yourself a chance to set aside your lyric for a few days after a re-write and come back to it with a fresh perspective before you post it again. Be sure to post the first song version along with your Re-write for comparison!

 
 
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Old 06-18-2006, 01:17 PM   #1
Mike O.
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Central New York
Posts: 21
Way Past Homesick

Here's my second try with this lyric. I'm not sure if the song form is right. I have two bridges. I don't know if that is allowed.
It may seem a bit long, but with the tempo I have in mind, I don't think it is.

Mike


Way Past Homesick

(Up tempo)

Verse
I’m way past homesick.
There’s nothing I can do.
No work at home.
So I’ve been gone.
But I gotta get back to you.

Verse
I’m way past homesick.
Six months out on the road.
Another town.
Is comin’ round.
This drive is sure gettin' old.

Verse
I’m way past homesick.
That waitress sure was nice.
This diner food.
Is gettin' crude.
I think I tipped her twice.

Verse
I’m way past homesick.
Another cheap motel.
Check in my room.
Looks like a tomb.
That mattress came from Hell.

Bridge
I didn’t know Homesick was a place on the map.
But I think I drove through it ‘bout a thousand miles back.
In fact, (hehehe) I’m sure of it.

Verse
I’m way past homesick.
I‘m tired of this grind.
These seven tens
Will never end.
This hard hat, it aint kind.

Verse
I’m way past homesick.
I’m gettin' outta here.
I quit today.
Picked up my pay.
I made enough this year.

Verse
I’m way past homesick.
It’s just about sundown.
Just saw the sign.
Been on my mind.
As I was leaving town.

Bridge
Yep, sign said “You are now leaving Homesick. Have a nice day”.
You know… I think I just might now.

Verse
I'm leavin' Homesick.
Enough of this damn place.
I’ll drive all night.
Leave on the light.
I can’t wait to see your face.

Tag
I’ll drive all night.
Leave on the light.
I can’t wait for your embrace.

Last edited by Mike O. : 06-18-2006 at 01:22 PM.
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